Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
