One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
