:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm getting married
To pizza
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
