its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Acid is not a monday night drug
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
my liver is dry heaving
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
