somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
