She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
