WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
