hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
