My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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