george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
