I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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