hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
