Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
