I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
