I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
