saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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