so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
