obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
this is an emotional support booty call
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
