Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
