Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
