Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
