so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
