Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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