is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
