No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
