If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
