got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
