my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
