LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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