Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you win again, gameday.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
