PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
