im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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