He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my shit smells like andre
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
