Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
