i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
