her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
