I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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