Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
