talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize