I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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