Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
