This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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