At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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