I seem to have left my pride at pride
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
