Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just forgot I was standing up.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
