theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
