OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
