508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
