Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
