my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
