Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
