thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
