its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
