he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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