The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
