Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
