Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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