my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize