I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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