i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
