The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
