Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
