my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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