im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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