so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
