so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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