O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize