her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
