She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
