He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
