I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
did you just send me my own nude
Randomize
