So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
